Rules

One strike. Then you’re gone.

Ember exists for real conversation. No abuse, no harassment, no scams. Moderation acts on first contact — the account ends on the first offense, not the third, not after a warning.

If you threaten, demean, or frighten someone here, your account ends on the first offense. There is no warning. We don’t haggle over it.

Zero tolerance

Eight behaviors. One outcome.

Each one of these ends an account on the first offense. None of them get a warning, a cooling-off, or a “let me explain.”

  • Threats or violent language
    Real or implied. Toward anyone — on a profile, in a chat, in a DM, or in a reply to someone who just said no.
  • Bigotry
    Slurs, racism, homophobia, transphobia, religious bigotry, sexism, ableism, ageism. There is no “just joking” out.
  • Harassment
    Targeted, repeated, or continuing after being told to stop. One message can be enough; a pattern absolutely is.
  • Hate speech
    Dehumanizing language aimed at a group of people, online or off. The bar is the bar — winking at it still crosses it.
  • Unsolicited explicit content
    Explicit images, sexual harassment, lewd talk in DMs to people who didn’t ask. The first unsolicited message is the first strike.
  • Doxxing
    Sharing someone’s address, workplace, phone number, or other private information without their consent.
  • Impersonation or fake profiles
    Profiles built to deceive — someone else’s photos, a friend’s identity, a persona set up to lure a specific person. Reported, removed.
  • Scams and catfishing
    Romance scams, financial hooks, or fake personas built to lure a specific person. Reported and removed. If a payment lets us reach the paying party before they authorise, we refund it from our side.

What happens on first strike

Permanent · no appeal on the rule
The account is terminated.

No quiet warning to let a bad actor linger. No “two strikes then we talk.” The account ends at the first offense, and there is no reimbursement of any membership fee paid up to that point.

AI-assisted detection flags the worst of it in real time. Trained human moderators make the final call. The reporter’s identity is never disclosed to the reported account — at any point, for any reason.

What this isn’t

We don’t ban for being boring — we ban for being unsafe.

The point of the policy is to keep people safe, not to keep the room sterile. None of the below ends an account:

  • A bad date or a mismatched vibe.
  • Slow replies, dry messages, or a conversation that just fizzles.
  • Political disagreement or a different taste in music, food, or movies.
  • Saying no. Saying no is a feature, not a flag.

How reports work

One button. A real human. Same day.

Step 1

Tap Report
Every Report button — on a profile, in a chat, in a thread — routes straight into the moderation queue.

Step 2

AI pre-screens
Automated detection flags the worst cases in real time. It does not decide outcomes on its own.

Step 3

A human reviews
A trained moderator makes the final call. Action usually lands within hours — not weeks.

Block is yours

Block is yours, not a moderation event.

Blocking someone is private. The blocked account isn’t notified, isn’t told why, and doesn’t see you again. You don’t owe a reason, and you don’t need to file a report to use it. If something crosses a rule, report it. If something just isn’t for you, block it — and move on.

If you think we got it wrong

Real humans read every appeal.

If your account was removed and you believe the rule didn’t apply, write us. Send the email from the address on the account, briefly describe what happened, and we’ll pull the report and re-review it. We don’t guarantee the outcome — we guarantee a real read.

Email an appeal

A real person writes back — usually within a couple of days.

This is the standard for everyone, across straight, bi, and gay community membership. Same rule, same room, same outcome.

Ember. Built for over-30s — free to talk, real to talk to, safe to keep going.